Being or Doing….you have the choice…
Dr. Nicholas Jenner njpsychdoc.wordpress.com
From almost the moment we are born, we are taught or even pushed and urged to achieve as much as we can. It is every parents dream that their child can be the best they possibly can be, to be better than them, lead a more comfortable life, have a better job and earn more money.
This is all well and good but maybe the drive to achieve helps us to gain certain things but in the process of achieving, we lose much more. I have often written on this blog about how our lives are becoming more and more stressful all the time, leading to unhappiness, frustration and mental health issues. I firmly believe that this sense of expectation, started by our significant careers but reinforced by educators (schools tend to prepare us to reach a prerequisite goal) and society in general, leave us ill prepared to face our demanding lifestyles.
At the moment, I am writing this post from a small cabin in the snowy mountains around Oberhof in eastern Germany. The location is isolated, quiet and cut off from the pressures of everyday routine. There are no appointments to make, no phone calls to answer and nobody expecting anything. I do not know what time it is and struggle to remember which day of the week it is. Of course, I could not survive if this was my life generally but I am enjoying the moment immensely. I am present here and now and not there and then. It is perfect. The difference to my normal routine is that I am in what’s commonly known as `being` mode as opposed to what we virtually all experience every day as `doing` mode. I cannot hope to do justice to the vast spectrum of events that occur in our minds but maybe this article will urge you to seek more information about the benefits of mindfull meditation.
Due to our experience and education, our minds are generally taught to solve problems, to be analytical and bridge the gap between where we are and where our imagined future is. This process puts our thoughts and ultimately our feelings into overdrive as we try to juggle all of the pressing issues going on at any given moment. How many of us regularly think about things that happened in the past or might happen in the future as we are going about our daily chores? How many of us, when faced with an upcoming event, plan for disaster thinking about the consequences of failure and the effect this will have on us? I suspect nearly all of us without exception. This is the classic `doing` mode that our minds get us into and this can easily lead to rumination or daydreaming which leaves us open to old harmful thought patterns taking hold. These could come from childhood or from a time in our lives when we were not feeling good about ourselves or experienced real pain or hurt. Most chronic depression sufferers state that they spend most of their time brooding over past events and some kind of imagined perfect future. When this inevitably doesn`t happen, it knocks self-esteem and so the cycle goes on.
So how do we stop this when it seems our mind has a mind of its own? Teaching ourselves through mindfully being present and enjoying the moment we are in, can help to stop our mind wandering and allowing unwanted thought patterns to take hold. Sounds easy but is easier said than done. Many people who start meditation or mindfullness sessions often feel frustrated sooner rather than later because they feel they are not doing it correctly or have not achieved the perfect goal they set themselves before the session. This of course is the mind wandering into `doing` mode and trying to bridge the gap between what is and what should be. This process often happens during the breathing exercises which help to focus our minds and keep us in the present moment. In true `being` mode, we can train our minds to look at these distractions as just that without judging or becoming frustrated, making it easier to return to the focus on the breath and the sensations happening in our bodies at that moment.
As with all new things, practice makes the difference. With mindfullness, we are trying to train our minds to break the habit of analysis paralysis but the benefits are wide ranging, increasing happiness and relieving stress at the same time. A side effect noted by those who practice often is that relationships improve due to the reduction of `hectic` behavior and expectations. Being or doing….you have the choice.